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so few, so proud, so emotional

it's exactly 3am right now and i'm having this strong urge to make a post about this one album that i've been listening a little too much, never too much but it's concerning. i wish i can just start yapping about this album anywhere everywhere i go but people on the net would kill me.i've been writing on a...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
5 months and 3 weeks ago.

the mirrors all around me

it feels like a reflection,it feels like im seeing myself while i know well im looking at you.the words you said, the things you do,all are the things that i would do back then.and all the things that i did back then,were painful to me.were an act of disagree.were a hate statement to myself.and to be...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
28th August 2023 4:39pm

cheers to another year,

nbsp;i thank the disturbed, for making it less lonelythough we are powerless, we are freedespite the harsh realitythe needles that stuck up in your throat,it doesn't matter,as we had give our best,and we knew that to be alive the next dayis always a miracle.so be proud,of the death wishes you...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
14th May 2023 12:00am

thoughts, tears, repeat

i want to get diagnosed,nbsp;so that everything will finally make sense,so that i won't shift the blame to anyone.there are times where i feel everyone is pretentious,just for the sake of being nice.when those famous three words being thrown to me,i just had to think that there must be a borderline,and...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
12th May 2023 3:40pm

a reply to my past letter to me - 120523

nbsp;hey there,nbsp;just an update, now we're working in a different company,and we're actually quite satisfied with this one for now.we left our last job because the environment gets toxic,you barely even excited to go to work anymore,everyday got anxious and you get weaker as the day go.most...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
12th May 2023 11:30am

a meaningful gift

i went back home a bit late today as i was all caught up with my 9-5 job. it was tiring to be home but still have to go upstairs, switch on the computer, and continue the tasks that need to be sent put by tonight.but anyways, as i get myself undone to change into a more comfy attire, my little brother...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
10th March 2023 5:38pm

a guilty pleasure

sometimes it feels like something's missing within me.and sometimes some people made me realize what i'm missing.some people just feels right.filling in the void, it feels nice.it feels right,the way they look,the way they behave,the way their voice sound,the way they feel with they're next to me,it has...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
24th July 2022 8:57pm

a good start, i hope

after all these years that i keep hurting myself,physically and mentally, contemplating with should i seek for help or not?i've always been afraid with myself and people out there.your feelings are validthat's what mario and el always told me.eventhough it was an impulsive decision,maybe...it...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
13th March 2022 5:23pm

a letter to the past/future me to read when we're bored - 03132022

nbsp;hey, happy new year, life has been okay i guess.i have a job now, i thought im not going to continue in the field, architecture.well here i am. the job is okay i hope, for now, im doing okay with it.they let me design stuff, not only buildings.i designed websites, created metaverse worlds,...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
13th March 2022 12:39am

draft; 041021

sometimes i want to go outand pop this sadness you keep holdingwithin such a small bodyoh to be free from anxietyto be out and touch the naturethat god has painted for us to see.some people don't feel what i feelit's painful yet beautifulwhat i've been keeping insidehas taught me to appreciate every little...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
25th April 2021 3:35pm

heavy but empty;

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
2nd February 2021 3:04pm

kota kelabu

berjalan diam di kota kelabumenghayati kekosongan kabus dihadapanlembah bumi dihujani titis titis air matamenggenggam erat serpihan hati kacadipeluk rapatsabar kata langitmendung ini hanya sementarabebenang fikiran kusut membelitjadi apa maknanyajika tiada bahagiadan sakit...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
18th November 2020 1:31am

111720

haven't done anything at all today.locking myself in the room embracing the darkness around me.crying all day.what's the point of living if i keep on feeling like this anyway?what's the point of having people around you who still feel lonely?what's the point of having someone important if you're going to...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
17th November 2020 9:33pm

senja, 2020.

nbsp;senja, 2020.Watercolour on watercolour paper.nbsp;8.3 x 11.7 inches (A4)

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
12th November 2020 5:25am

110720

I don't know what's wrong with me. Wish i could write exactly what I'm feeling right now. Seeing other people happy while I'm the one who's drowning in my own thoughts makes me feel lonely, helpless and hopeless. Yet i was the one who pushed people away. The emptiness is heavier than you think. I agree with...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
7th November 2020 7:29pm

101820

nbsp;it's almost 1 in the morning. Ending my first week of classes for this semester.I'm alone, at home, not literally, but without someone who's going through the same suffering as mine,yes, I am alone. And lonely.Online learning was quite fun, almost. But i hate that I have to be at home.Swallowing...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
18th October 2020 1:15am

a letter to you,

Hey, how you've been doing? Where have you been?I'm good, I'm fine, it's just that lately I've been out of my mind.Are you okay?I'm sorry if what i said to you was the reason you ran away.The songs you gave me, I listen to them,on repeat, on and on again.Oh I hope you know that it hurts,because we know that...

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
5th October 2020 3:27pm

re-identified, 2020.

re-identified, 2020.Poster colour, news paper, inks on paper.5.8 x 8.3 inches (A5)

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ptrnrathrh via Untitled
29th September 2020 10:32pm

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